Poor Planning or Subconscious Sabotage?

In the past few weeks I have seen some of my friends make some decisions and fall into poor planning during their journey down the aisle. While I was discussing these unimaginable scenarios with Mr. AZ I simultaneously went through shock, sympathy and utter confusion. I couldn't imagine what I would do if I was the bride in any of these, and I found most of them helpful- each made me stop and think. I think I learned something from each and that's why I'm sharing it with you, my readers. Most of the time it feels like bad planning but sometimes it looks like clear, possibly subconscious, sabotage.

Scenario 1: Waiting until 3 months before the wedding to start thinking about invitations for a wedding with 300 people on the guest list.

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I think Scenario #1 is more a result of not understanding how long the design to print process takes. If you work with a designer you really clique with it can be a breeze, but sometimes translating your vision into paper can take a while. So if invites are very important to you began early! If not, then 3 months should be fine. I began planning my invitations with Liz at Blush Design Studio a good 8 months in advance. Granted we did not finalize them until 5 months in advance but it never felt rushed or hurried, which I really appreciate.

Scenario #2: Being wish-washy on the bridesmaid's dresses and letting your MOH change your entire wedding color palette.

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I'm not talking Blush Pink to Bubblegum ladies, I'm talking RED to GREEN. Seriously, like a stop light. This scenario largely occurred because of bride's indifference to the bridesmaids gowns and general laissez faire attitude. Was she upset? A little. Did she really argue, no. Was her wedding beautiful- of course it was. This really boils down to the same question as above- does it matter to you? Because in weddings sometimes you have to pick your battles. I think if it really mattered to the bride she would've spoken up.

Scenario #3: Bride returns wedding gown 26 days before the wedding.

Say YES to the Dress

No, this is not a SYTTD episode, this is real life. Oh and by the way the bride in question leaves for Hawaii (for her destination wedding) in 23 days. Her reasons for returning her original gown were that it "wasn't the one", well being 23 days away from your W-Day and having to buy a whole new PERFECT dress and have it tailored... it seems almost impossible. But this bride is getting married on the beach- so she may be able to buy a beautiful gown off rack that doesn't require as extensive tailoring, so it's very possible. It's a stressor I don't want a month before my wedding, but I don't make the rules for everyone- so if you are a level headed lady that can deal with that- I applaud you. It simply wouldn't work for me.

Have you been a victim of poor planning? Have you seen any examples of subconscious sabotage from your friends who are getting married? Does seeing other weddings around you make you want, nay crave being a Wedding Planner so that this doesn't happen to other brides, or so that you can help them make the best out of their situation?

Guilt

"Guilt is the price we pay willingly for doing what we are going to do anyway"- Isabelle Holland 

Talking to Momma AZ the other day she not-so-lovingly referred to our wedding venue as "The Middle of Nowhere" and then explained that if you looked in a dictionary under the entry ARIZONA you would find that same description.

The Middle of Nowhere, AZ

I may or may not have had a small breakdown at this assessment of the state in which I reside. Let me give you the full backstory though. When we first discussed engagement we decided one thing: in order to have OUR wedding we would need to plan it BEFORE we announced it. That's right, it was a covert op. Seriously, we met with the caterer, the venue, secured hotel property- it was on. Then I announced it to my family who, as predicted, said we should get married in Miami, in Atlanta, in... well anywhere but ARIZONA!

To this slew of insanity I responded calmly with "We've planned to get married in Sedona, and we've put money down." I could swear I sucked the air right out of my mother's lungs with that sentence.

So what's the point of this rant? I know that deep down my family would complain about anything I do- it's a wedding and I understand it brings out the crazy in people. But this is the way that both myself and Mr. AZ want to start our marriage and once they see how beautiful the Middle of Nowhere is, I think minds will be changed. If not oh well, it really will be our wedding, just the way we'd like it.

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So I'll share another piece of Momma AZ wisdom: "Eff it- you're the bride!"I realize this is where some of the "Bridezilla mentality" can stem from, but you know what, it's true. You're the bride (or groom), and you get this one day to declare your love and devotion to another human being and that's amazing. We should celebrate it just the way we want to, within reason, and be happy. For me that means feeling slightly guilty my family have to fly out here to come to the wedding, but also realizing if we had it in Miami or Atlanta all of Mr. AZ's family would have to fly out. Either way someone's flying- might as well fly to where we want to be! 

Do you have any guilt associated with your wedding choices? Would you, like me, make those same choices all over again? 

Hot Tub Time Machine

Inspired by the touching film Hot Tub Time Machine....about 4 men, a ski lodge, a lot of booze and a hot tub...

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Um... not quite. Anyway... Mr. AZ and I did see this on Saturday and found our very low expectations pleasantly surpassed. This inspired me to ask my married friends what they would have done differently at their weddings... and here is what they said they would do (if of course they had a hot tub time machine).

• EAT
• Have a Day of Coordinator or someone enlisted to act as one
• Enjoy the moments
• Let go and don't stress over the deets

So I've composed a little checklist to keep myself honest and obeying those 4 commandments of getting through the wedding day. My MOH of DOOOM is in charge of nagging me to eat every 2 hours. I'm hypoglycemic, yo! It's important. My FSIL #2 is a trained paralegal and will be in charge of the wedding binder which contains our timeline, vendor contracts, and contact information for EVERYONE.

As for the last two... they will be the hardest as they are mental tasks. But I've decided that on my wedding day, much like men think of "Baseball" I shall think of "Hot Tub Time Machine"... it makes me laugh and it doesn't try to be serious- exactly what I am striving for in our wedding. Did you find inspiration in the weirdest place? What's the most random experience you've had that you've applied to your wedding?

Hotel Blocks

Hotel Blocks were the scariest thing to me in regards to planning our wedding. I had no idea how these magical things worked and I certainly did NOT want to have an additional out of pocket if we didn't met an arbitrary quota. Thankfully this has been one of the easiest things to do in real life.

 The first block we booked a Resort that we and Mr. AZ's family vacation at every year. Oh that and it's less than a 2 minute walk from the Tlaquepaque Chapel. It's called Los Abrigados and each room is built more like a suite than a hotel room. Each offers a FULL Kitchen- including full size fridge, dishwasher, pots/pans, plates and silverware. Which I think is terrific- it's like a home away from home. 

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This is where Mr. AZ and I are staying. Beautiful no? But the price point is like that of a nice Resort (as it should be for a nice resort), so between our being in the Off Peak Season and our getting our catering done through them we managed a hefty 30% discount. Terrific! But it's still $165/night which isn't terrible but for some of our more frugal guests it's not wonderful either. So it was time for an option #2....

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We set out to find a second hotel, like any accommodating couple would. We ended up at the Best Western Inn of Sedona. I know what you're thinking- really a Best Western? But you haven't seen this AMAZING Best Western.

That's right a full panoramic view of the Red Rock. There are also microwaves in the larger rooms and small fridges in each. They also assured us they can put our Out of Town Bags in each room before our guests check in.

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At both hotels we were flabbergasted by the wonderful customer service- and the amazing views! Was your hotel block-process amazing or did it leave much to be desired? How did you pick your hotels?

Weddings Make Me Feel Craaaazaaay

Okay, so that's an overly dramatic title, but I want to take a minute to discuss why it's kind of true. My blogging-friend MsSpaniel/Marigold tweeted the other day that she was excited for 2 new RSVPs but at the same time was not excited to make more place cards. This happens so often and it's hard for people who are not getting married to relate to, so let me share my latest "Crazy" wedding feeling...

We recently emailed our Pastor, and long time family friend of Mr. AZ's, he responded to our email and answered all our questions but also mentioned some happy news...

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No, he's not a vampire! He's going to be a Grandpa, as in Grandpa Munster!! He's going to be a Grandpa, and we read on the next line down that his daughter's due date was 4 days prior to our wedding. He then noted in the email that he wouldn't miss our wedding for the world, but that he would take care of his own flights being scheduled and we could just reimburse him.

 

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And although I know his heart is in the right place and that he is telling us the truth, I can't help but think he may want to be there and that he may be sad to miss the birth of his first Grandchild. So despite his telling us not to worry, we worried. Thankfully we have a Pastor friend in Tucson who we went to for pre-marital counseling and before we even finished asking her for a favor she responded with a resounding YES!

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Did you have any moments where you were absolutely excited and worried at the same time in your planning process? Share them with me and make me feel better!

Be(e) Prepared!

Ever wonder how you will remember all of the things you need on your Wedding Day? I mean there's so much to think of...

....dress and veil and shoes oh my!

So I did what any well prepared lady would do- I sat down (6 months before the wedding) and compiled a list of all the things I would need on W-Day, I wrote it down. The first kit can be compiled months and months ahead of time and labeled so as to not forget it. But I highly recommend making a very-early deadline for this, because well... the less things left to the last minute the less things fall by the wayside.

 

based on recommendations by I Do Declare

But don't forget to write out YOUR OWN packing list...

 

As mentioned by I Do Declare's article - it would be a shame if you were at the Church/Chapel/Temple to get ready and you forgot your dress, shoes or veil! So I know it's silly but recognize you'll have a lot on your mind and write out the basic list and include anything else of sentimental value like rosaries or garters as well!

What are you including in your "Wedding Toolkit" list? Are you a list-and-plan person or a fly by the seat of your pants person?

Chubby Little Loser

I'd like to take a moment out of sunshine and rainbows to admit something... please play the following song whilst reading....

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Ever think that you're a poser in a room full of SMPs and Marthas? I do! I feel particularly like Mr. Ricky Gervais, in the above episode of Extras, quite a bit in the Wedding-planning world... let me explain

•  I like my alt-rock music, and no no matter how many times you ask if I'll be playing Cannon in D, I am not. It's a beautiful piece and I hold no grudge against those who use it, it's just not for us. 
• Yes my gown is technically light gold and champagne... and I LOVE IT. There it's not white, not even a bit Ivory.
• I'll be honest my biggest excitement re: Bridal Shower = Prosciutto and Brie Sandwich + Wine. 
• No I won't be using my full given name on the invites, because technically it's not... (Dad changed it, we didn't find out till I was 2 months old- this is both hilarious and slightly embarrassing)
• Yes we bought my E-Ring USED.... OMG I said it USED, we also saved roughly $10,000.
• You know what I've Never,  NOT ONCE gotten an Out of Town Bag... mine will rock, but not because they have to. They are a luxury- get that straight ladies.
• Why wouldn't I hire someone to do my hair & makeup... because I do it everyday.
• Why wouldn't I spend a lot of money on a professional photographer? Because I have an awesome FSIL who rawks the DSLR.

 Not everyone is the same in the wedding world, not everyone has the same priorities. I just wanted to let any of my readers know that's okay. It's times like this I wish there was an Offbeat Bride version of Weddingbee. Maybe Miss Jello Shot? In addition to Miss CrackPipe on Bowie Bride... it's a small dream of mine.

Because honestly wouldn't that rock your freakin' socks off?

Best Advice for Budget Brides...

enter the giveaways... seriously. There are tons of them out there. There are an amazing number of wedding-related giveaways out there...

on big blogs...

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smaller blogs...

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Broke Ass blogs...

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and some blogs in between...

 

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Everything from shoes, bridesmaids dresses, veils, photography packages....eventually has a giveaway. Even honeymoons! Should you count on winning anything? 

Absolutely NOT!

But free stuff always means good stuff. In the 2 months I've been heavily entering contests I won free magnets, a veil, a champagne topper, and a camera rental! So how to find all these giveaways?

Meet my 15 minute giveaway team...

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Between Blogger, Facebook, and Twitter it takes me about 15 minutes to scour the web for some awesome deals! Did you become addicted to giveaways while planning your wedding? Do you have any tips for finding giveaways?

Offpeak Bride

You've heard of Offbeat Bride, now meet the Offpeak Bride! Many people ask us why we're getting married in Arizona... in August. Aka the hottest time of the year. Think about it- offpeak travel for our (100%) out of town guests, offpeak rates in beautiful resorts, including the one we're staying at. Best yet- no one is ever booked for our date.

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Even though we waited until January to book our DJ (a mere 7 months before our wedding) he was still wide open for January. A luxury  not afforded to say, May brides.

Another perk to being in Arizona in August? Clear freeways...

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All the blue-hairs/snowbirds leave for the summer, to escape our heat. So no driving behind the lady with the beehive on the freeway!

Although Offpeak doesn't just mean booking in a really hot month. It could be a Friday or even a Sunday wedding for the best deals. Are you an Offpeak Bride? How did it help you?

Registering at the Bank

According to family report my mother is now telling people that "they're registered at the bank, write them a check," despite the fact that we are indeed registered for actual gifts.

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It's kind of hilarious and slightly embarrassing, just like my childhood. Thankfully she's only telling MY family- who all know how "funny" she can be. We didn't necessarily want monetary gifts over actual gifts, but who would complain?!

I know there are more tactful ways to ask for money so I assembled some here for the frugal bride...

1. 'They are registered at [store name], but they are really trying to save up money for their [honeymoon/house].'
2. Some websites suggest creating a small registry or not registering at all.
3. You could create a Honeymoon Registry 
4. , but I'd also suggest creating a real gift registry for your guests who prefer to give you gifts- because they will still buy you something. 
5. There's always a poem on the website (via Wedaholic.com) "If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way. A gift of cash towards our house, would really make our day. However, if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way."

Some of them more cheesier than others, but I highly recommend #1 if you are looking to receive gifts of money rather than items.

PSA: Emergencies Happen...

I would like to take a brief pause from sunshine, rainbows, unicorns, and all the happy things related to weddings to bring you this public service announcement....

Emergencies Happen.... 

even at Weddings.

There I said it... but why?

This past July my fiancé and I flew from Arizona to upstate New York for the nuptials of my friend....

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About 1 hour into the flight the fiancé started having what was described as "an upset stomach." No problem, we thought,  we're lactose intolerant- stomach aches happen.  It continued to progress, and the symptom became more severe. By the time we landed it was apparent I would need to drive. So he took pain killers and I drove us to the Bed and Breakfast we were staying at...when we got there it was nearly 10pm. That is when the pain started to localize to his right side, he became feverish and broke out into a cold sweat.

Uh-oh! Appendicitis!

Yup for a male in otherwise good health that is the absolutely ONLY diagnosis for his type of symptoms. We broke out the handy dandy GPS, which I never leave the state without (because... emergencies happen), and followed the hospital signs....

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So it's nearly 11pm the night before my friend's wedding... and where were we?

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The Cayuga Medical Center... which for your knowledge has wonderful physicians, nurses, and overlooks one of the fingerlakes. And my fiancé was seen and scheduled for surgery at 8am.

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His appendix was removed and we missed the wedding. But we did get snapshots, doesn't my friend R look beautiful?

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Anyway it was this very experience (and the fact that 100% of our guests are from out of town) that led us to put the following information into our OOT folders...

Medical Facilities 

Although we hope you will not need to use this information, we thought it best to include in case of emergency. We learned the hard way that knowing where the closest medical facility is, even when at an out-of-town wedding, is very important. Dirk had his appendix out at just such an occasion this year.

Verde Valley Medical Center- Sedona Campus

(928)204-3000 or 911 in case of emergency
3700 W. State Route 89A, Sedona, AZ

Sedona Urgent Care

(928) 203-4813

2530 W Highway 89A # A, Sedona, AZ

Are you a worrier? Will you be including any medical information in any form for your guests? Do you have an "emergency plan" for your wedding?

The Subtleties of Registering

OR no one is going to buy you a trashcan....

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One of the advantages of going IN store to register are the helpful tips from the person in charge of that store's registries. I will share with you, what we learned on that fateful day....

 
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1. Choose "Giftable" items- This means no one will be likely to buy you a trashcan, a plunger, or a toilet brush. Because these aren't "gifts" these are practical items people don't talk about. 
2. Choose Fillers- Some people go into your registry wanting to spend $200, not a penny less. So they find a comforter you like, but say its $10 or $20 shy of their internal target... make sure you have knick knacks like candles and picture frames there to help them to get to their goal. If you do not pick your own frames or candles THEY WILL... let that be enough to scare you.
3. No one will buy your a trashcan, but someone will buy you a Vaccum- Why, the store associate didn't know, but he speculates that it is largely due to the exasperation some people have with their vaccums. But they are one of the first "big ticket items" taken immediately. 
4. Register for the Expensive Towels- Because people will understand that this is a wishlist, if they don't like it they don't have to buy it.
5. People WILL complain about things on your Registry- Because your taste is different than theirs, end of story. They will think your frames are atrocious and will probably have something to say about a lot of things on your list. Who cares, it's not their registry!
   

I hope this helps you with registering! What are some things you learned from your store associate about the fine art of the wedding registry?

The Wedding Obessesion

Search any decent bridal blog and you will find a post about wedding-weight loss. Yes, I too am a victim of the pressure to look "my best." I tell myself it's to "be fit" or "get healthy" or {insert buzzword here}. But let's be honest ladies... we're doing it for the photographs....

Christian Oth via SMP

The beautiful, melt-your-heart photographs....

We obsess over inches, color schemes, flowers, lace, beading, fonts and wording... and sometimes we forget why we're doing this. But it's the pictures that will forever haunt us. The pictures that show our amazing Martha-level perfectly posed perfection! Don't deny it. Just like gaining the "freshman 15" this too is a rite of passage.

Jose Villa on SMP

But we're doing this because we love someone. Someone who in our eyes is, well, magic-amazing-wonderful-handsome-funny-smart right? I think it's more because we love who are we are together than anything else. We hope to grow old together, we hope that together all of life's little hurdles will be a breeze. With our husband/workout partner/Friday night date by our-side everything is going to be fine.

Personal Photo: I promise our dog was not harmed in the shooting of this photo

I honestly didn't think I could write my own vows but I think I just inadvertently did... Anyway I just wanted to take a heartfelt pause from the crazy-wonderful-world of Wedding Planning to take a look at the man I'll be kissing at the altar and encourage readers to do the same. We try to limit wedding talk in the house to 60 minutes a day... and for a wedding blogger it's hard, but we got a wedding egg timer.

How do you handle "the wedding obsession"?

Crips v. Bloods

Have I mentioned that my amazingly talented, wonderful, a-sister-to-me, MOH is also a Crip?

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 No silly! That's a gang!

She's a Crip which is Muscular Dystrophy Camp slang for a Cripple... someone in a wheelchair. She's the best person I have ever met (okay she ties with the FI) and I forget that everyone notices the big huge wheelchair.

Personal Photo of MOH in her Wedding-Decked-Out-Wheelchair

But to me it's sort of second nature. I have driven MOH around since I was 16 and could drive her minivan with Father approval. Because for obvious reasons, she couldn't ride in my car!

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 Ok it's not that cool... it's a forest green minivan with a somewhat-big-obnoxious ramp that takes forever to come down and honestly how can you make that look cool? Meh!

This brings me to my point.... Ladies if you have a member of your bridal party or a guest who happens to be in a wheelchair (power or otherwise) make sure to compile a list of handicapable questions! Here's what I asked at each meeting:

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At the Venue:

Me: (As I stared at some stairs leading into the chapel- OMFG) There are stairs- how can we get people in wheelchairs into the Chapel?

Them: Oh, no worries, we can move the potted tree there- it blocks the ramp that comes directly up to the Chapel.

Me: (PHEW That was close) 

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Me: (As I peered at a 5 inch step up to the altar in a VERY small Chapel) Um, do you have a ramp or something we can use for someone in the bridal party who is in a wheelchair?

Them: Unfortunately no, but I can give you the dimensions.

Me to FI: Ok, looks like we're building a ramp!

At the Hotel:

Me: Now I like the Suites we'll have as part of our "block" but are any handicap accessible and can I see it? (Tip for any brides dealing with handicap rooms- take a peek and make sure your friend in a power chair REALLY can get around).

Them: Sure! Let me show you this one...

Me: Perfect! Lots of room and it looks like a big bathroom that's helpful!

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At the Florist:

What you didn't think there would be wheelchair related questions here?!

Me: Ok, now my MOH happens to be in a wheelchair and she's rather petite so I'd like a small bouquet so she can still "roll" up the aisle with one hand. And of course no bridesmaid bouquets can be bigger than hers.

Them: Done.

Phew that was a bit of a workout, but I wanted to compile a list of the BIG questions I asked. I hope this helps any brides in a similar situation.

Any questions you asked that I didn't? Does anyone else have a person who happens to be in a wheelchair in their bridal party or on their guest list? 

Bridal Bootcamp Review

Well everyone else is doing it, so why shouldn't I? My fiancé and I are starting our Wedding Workout Regime. Before you roll your eyes at me and sing "it's all been done before" hear me out. I used to be a Carmen-Electra Aerobic Striptease user...

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And while it was funny/fun it's hilarity soon wears off and I ended up not really being motivated enough to continually do the same 5 discs over and over again. 

Comparatively speaking our new Wedding Workout Regime works more muscle groups and really gets you FULLY in shape. This program is intense, I am "burning" [read: sore all over] but it's totally doable and it really kicks you into high gear.

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Some of you may have heard of P90X, and those of you who have will think we are absolutely INSANE for doing it. And rightfully so, it's constantly changing and let me tell you the first time you do each disc you are panting at 5-15 reps whilst the fit people on the TV are pulling out numbers like 30-40 reps. If you're like me and you hate repetitiveness of home-workout routines take a look at this...

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I was skeptical at first, but this is what my  fiancé used to get into shape before he and his friend hiked Machu Picchu. After week one I am not skeptical, I feel muscles I didn't know existed, seriously I didn't know I could "feel the burn" in my intercostal muscles (aka the small muscles in between your ribs). The program encourages healthy eating, and at the beginning of the 90 day program we threw out all our "bad foods" including a whole pack of cookie dough...

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Even though we are relatively healthy people this is hard, and it takes some willpower. We both only want to lose about 15 lbs, but realize because we're not significantly overweight this means we really have to create and tone up muscle mass in order to be the healthiest we can be. So for every 30days we are on the P90X program we promised each other that we would post our "Before" and "Current" photos so that we could help motivate others to really shake the the Milkshake addiction and become healthier people. Because the "Before" picture by itself makes me sad, I will post the first photos at 30 days, maybe we'll see some improvement!

How are you improving yourself for Your Big Day? Are you working out or dieting, or doing a combo approach?

Monsoon Wedding

That's right my followers, I planned our wedding during Monsoon season. Not just during but right smack dab in the middle of Monsoon Season! Prior to 2009 Monsoon season was based on the dew point being above 55 for a certain amount of time. Now the National Weather Service has changed that to avoid all confusion: the Monsoon season begins June 15 and ends Sept 30.

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Although our Arizona's Monsoons are less severe than in other parts of the world, the change in the winds does bring erratic and unexpected rainfall here in the Desert Southwest.

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You may be wondering why a person with an almost doctoral education (hey I graduate in August, I can start throwing that doctorate around) would do something crazy like this? Well fear not! I have a back up plan! And good thing too, because this is what happened Sept 10th at Tlaquepauqe (my wedding and reception venue)....

The number one question I asked when looking at venues was for backup plans. Not just "okay, well I guess" back  up plans, I wanted just as beautiful backup plans. You may remember our gorgeous venue, but in case you don't here's some wedding p0rn.

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Now that is exactly what I want the beautiful, romantic, intimate patio covered in ivy with beautiful old-fashioned string lights (don't get me started on that). So we get the next best thing if that doesn't work out... first you walk up to this terrace...

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And enter this grand ballroom that overlooks not one but 2 patios at Tlaquepaque...

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If you're holding your wedding or reception outdoors does your venue have a backup plan? Or will you be crossing your fingers?

It's NOT a Competition

Let me address my sometimes severely Type A personality. Most of my Future In Laws already know that my shout of "I WIN" to making good guacamole or winning at Banagrams is just genuinely me. I like to make everything into a "fun little game" and then focus intently on the way to WIN said game. To quote Maria Bamford's set "Life isn't a game, but if it is- I'm winning."

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No one would be grading my "wedding work" so why did it all matter? Because I am a self-confessed sometimes-perfectionist. I found reading blogs about less than perfect people to be quite helpful. But the greatest gift any wedding blog has ever given me was this one simple article... Your Wedding is Not a Contest by the Offbeat Bride. Finally someone telling me in no uncertain terms that it's okay to break tradition and it's okay to be somewhat traditional too- and that there was really no way to get it wrong. It's just about us.
 
So if I want to wear a champagne gown that initially my mother threw a tantrum over; and if we do want to get married in a Chapel- not a Church; even if we want to get married an hour and a half away from the major airport; even if we  think the bouquet toss is silly; and even if we hate wedding cake and love bread pudding.... it DOESN'T MATTER! Don't get me wrong, I don't mean it doesn't matter to us- it just means that being authentically us from our Alt-Rock musical stylings, our beautiful Chapel far away from the city, and my amazingly not white gown... it's perfect just the way it is.

We're not quite traditional....

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but not quite offbeat....

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We're somewhere in the middle...which was just right for Goldilocks.